According to The Mayo Clinic, “Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you honestly feel about yourself with all of your successes, abilities, flaws and limits. When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving others’ respect. When you have low self-esteem, on the other hand, you put little value on your opinions and ideas, and you constantly worry that you aren’t ‘good enough.’” Currently, there are many theories about the root cause of low self esteem.
Some researchers say that academics play an important role in causing low self esteem. Students generally strive to do well in school so they can have positive self-esteem. In 1989, researcher M.V. Covington reported that achievement scores decrease as self esteem decreases and achievement scores increase when self esteem is increased. He added that personal goal setting and having the perception that achievement is possible, as well as one-on-one instruction are among the best tips for improving self confidence. Students who set meaningful and realistic goals are in the best position to improve their academic performance, and therefore build self confidence as well.
While not the cause of low self esteem, this condition is closely related to depression and suicide. In 1980, James Battle discovered that self esteem declines as depression rises. He added that many suicidal or depressive states stem from the inability to exhibit communication skills and maintain close relationships. While everyone experiences low moods, confident people tend to assume their negative feelings will pass, whereas people with low self-esteem tend to wallow in their hopelessness. Numerous therapists advocate building self-esteem as a way of combating depression, anxiety, guilt, shame and criticism. Learning to think positive is one of the best ways to improve self esteem over time.
Dysfunctional interpersonal relationships are widely believed to be a major cause of low self esteem. In some cases, this may mean an abusive, neglectful or alcoholic parent. In other cases, this can be a parent who is possessive, overprotective and highly critical of the child. As youngsters grow into maturity and begin to date, a large part of one’s self confidence rides on the approval of others and social acceptance. Feelings of self worth arise from being desired by others, which plays a part in being able to develop self esteem. In the presence of a lover, people feel more attractive, intelligent, witty and accepted. When that relationship turns abusive, sour or unfavorable, the individual may begin to wonder, “What is wrong with me that I am no longer wanted?” In some cases, it takes years of therapy to overcome such devastation.
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